I don’t really know what to say anymore. About anything. My grades are complete shit and I’m almost 100% sure already that i’m not getting into any good colleges. My parents, where do I even start? They hate me. They cannot stand the sight of me because of what a big dissapointment that I am to them. All they do is yell at me, and if they’re not doing that, they yell at eachother. Friends? lol joke. And the few friends I have, I don’t even get to see cause i’m so damn busy all the damn time. He doesn’t like me. Well at least I don’t know if he does. And he’s acting super weird lately, and it’s like…whats the point of even trying anymore. I can’t do anything. I just want to be non existent. Not die, not dissapear, just like, not be here. I’m done trying to talk to people, and be social, and nice, and do things for others, cause it doesn’t get me anywhere. I get nothing in return, and I just don’t feel like it anymore. Im just in such a weird mood I don’t even know what to say about it anymore. kjhgfdsa

Words cannot even describe how mad you make me. After everything we have been through, all the secrets we have shared, the good times, the bad, the late night phone calls, the everything. After all that you have the audacity to sit back, and critisize me. critisize ME about how much of a horrible person I AM. ME. When YOU left. YOU ended the friendship. YOU walked away with no warning whatsoever, you just did it. And you didn’t even care. It was so effortless I almost didn’t believe it. I honestly sat there thinking it was a joke. Thinking, “oh, we’ll be friends again i like a week” Thinking you were just going through a weird phase you didn’t want to talk about it. And even though I tried to help, you pushed me away even farther and made me seem like the bad person. I DON’T GET IT. I don’t understand how you could do that to someone you called your best friend for years. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Now all you’re really doing is pissing me off with your hatred towards me because I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING. And it’s really fucking annoying you are STILL bringing it up. You didn’t want to talk to me then, don’t think you’ll ever be able to talk to me again. Don’t think for one fucking second you’re gunna say something soon that’s just going to make me snap and yell at you. Cause I have no intrest in wasting my breath talking to you. Goddammit.

I can’t even explain how much I like you. I literally have been getting butterflies just thinking about you. It’s so weird, it’s not like me. At all. I could hug you forever, it just feels so right. I could stare into your eyes all day, and stare at your smile. I could talk to you for hours and never once be bored, or get sick of you. I like that you actually care about how i’m doing. It’s like you can see right through me and you know when i’m not okay. But that’s probably the biggest problem with me liking you. I’ve been hurt so many times before, i’m just not up to being hurt anymore, so i’ve shut myself down. I don’t let people in anymore, maybe a few that a trust dearly, but that’s it. It’s not that i don’t trust you, i’m just scared of how attached i am getting to you, and i know this probably won’t last long, but i want it to. I want you to see that too, but i’m way to scared to explain all of this to you.

I wish my parents would stop fighting for 10 fucking seconds to realize what they are doing to this family.

I have never been so nervous before in my life

You make me happier than i have ever been before. Every time I see you I get so excited and get these butterflies I haven’t felt in forever. It literally brightens up my entire day. You understand me like no one else, and it’s so easy to talk to you. I love your hugs. You’re just one of those people I could hug all day and never want to let go of. It’s like we fit perfectly in each others arms. And really you just make me so happy, it’s unexplainable and I can’t deny it anymore.

and then just hug me some more.

I’m cried so much, that i threw up. I’m so sick of this goddamn life. The yelling. The fighting. The dissapointments. The hurt. The tears. The lonely nights. The dark thoughts. The loneliness i feel even around people. I can’t do any of this anymore. I can’t handle it. I begining to wonder what i’d be like to be gone.

I know i have them, but what i really need right now, is one of my best friends who will hug me and let me cry and cry and cry. I just need to be told it’s going to get better, and that it’s going to be okay. and I want to believe it.

every time tumblr changes my stupid theme gets messed up.

It doesn’t make you a better person.

My 3 best girl friends and I got them for each other for christmas, but we got them like 2 months early. I wear mine every single day. It makes me feel loved, like i belong with these girls. I know sometimes things aren’t always going great, but in the end, I believe it is all going to be okay. They understand me, and I understand them and I love them, with all my heart. Every time i look at the ring I think about the things we have done together, and what we have been through together. It is kind of reassuring to know all the things in life I’ve been through with my friends, in such a short period of time. We haven’t had a good girls night in a very long time, and I miss it. But hopefully soon, everything will get back to normal. I love this ring.

I’ll be the first to admit that my life isn’t all shits and giggles. It is truly not as happy as i make it seem sometimes. I’ve been through a lot for my age, things i don’t feel the need to make publicly known. I’ve seen things i shouldn’t have seen, done things i shouldn’t have and said things i shouldn’t have said. I’ve been through things i am now too scared to even talk about. I was exposed to a lot at a young age. Every day i face the struggle of getting out of bed in the morning and trying to feel comfortable enough to even leave my house. I face the same personal battles day in and day out, as well as the ones coming from the rest of the world. It’s difficult. I’m not going to pretend it isn’t. It takes every ounce of my being to not just break down and cry sometimes. But at least i can put those issues aside and enjoy my.life. I see people at my school every day who mope around feeling sorry for themselves acting like they have such a horrible life. Now im not one to judge or brag, but i live in a wealthy city and im most certain every person in my school has at least a roof over their heads, and clothes on their back. I understand everyone has issues, we’re growing up, this is life. But i think everyone makes it seem worse than it really is. Sometimes myself included. People need to stop getting caught up the bad things in life, or stressing over school or really whatever it is. I truly believe if you have a family, a house, food and clothes, you are all set. You may not be living your ideal life style but at least you’re alive right? I thank god everyday that i am alive. No matter how unhappy i am at the moment i always keep in my mind that life is a precious gift and can be taken away at any second. I dont care if it sounds cliche but you really only live once. Why waste it dwelling on the small things in life? It’s time to just forget about the past and the future. Focus on the here and now. Be spontaneous. Forget about the people who have hurt you, you’re better off without them. Start living your life. Everybody dies but not everybody lives.